Last night I had a long dream. Id wake up several times throughout the night and the dream would continue on once I fell back to sleep.
I don't remember much of the dream other then I kept hearing the name Randy Alcock all throughout the dream and at one point someone (I don't know who) handed me a black marker so I could write out the name Randy Alcock. I was told in the dream to not forget that name but I don't know why.
In the dream at 1st I thought it was referring to my junior high gym teacher because his name was Mr Alcock but upon futher thoughts I don't think his 1st name was Randy. In fact Im pretty sure it was not.
Well whoever Randy Alcock is I'm praying for him for whatever reason.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Alone and Running Towards Darkness
Often I get mental pictures. That's just my thing and the way God made me. Only this year have I learned that I can sit back and relax with eyes closed and pray asking God what He has for me.
Tonight this is what He had for me:
I was in a long but not wide factory that had work tables with over head lights above each work table/bench. The over head lamp like things above each work bench was painted blue.I don't know what the factory made.
I was alone. The big room had no other humans in it.
Suddenly one of those things that look like some kind of large air ducts or tubes or whatever appeared on the wall right where the ceiling is like we see with those air things in some businesses and place of work. It was building itself and adding onto its self very quickly and I got the urge to follow it. So I began running after it as it continued to grow alone where the ceiling and wall meet.
It lead to the other end of the factory where there was a large opening in the wall that revealed nothing but pitch blackness. I came to a halt not wanting to run into and follow that air thingy into that darkness that I knew did not feel right.
So what does all that mean? I don't know for sure.
It might be representative of how I am so often alone in spiritual matters. Why was I running and following the air thingy? Does it possibly mean I easily fall for and run along with that which is in error? Or could it mean that certain influences and situations in life could have easily lead me into giving up and falling into deep sin which was the darkness and me almost running into it.
Tonight this is what He had for me:
I was in a long but not wide factory that had work tables with over head lights above each work table/bench. The over head lamp like things above each work bench was painted blue.I don't know what the factory made.
I was alone. The big room had no other humans in it.
Suddenly one of those things that look like some kind of large air ducts or tubes or whatever appeared on the wall right where the ceiling is like we see with those air things in some businesses and place of work. It was building itself and adding onto its self very quickly and I got the urge to follow it. So I began running after it as it continued to grow alone where the ceiling and wall meet.
It lead to the other end of the factory where there was a large opening in the wall that revealed nothing but pitch blackness. I came to a halt not wanting to run into and follow that air thingy into that darkness that I knew did not feel right.
So what does all that mean? I don't know for sure.
It might be representative of how I am so often alone in spiritual matters. Why was I running and following the air thingy? Does it possibly mean I easily fall for and run along with that which is in error? Or could it mean that certain influences and situations in life could have easily lead me into giving up and falling into deep sin which was the darkness and me almost running into it.
Spiritually Blinded Husband and When I See Gold I know It Is Of God
So often with the mental pictures I will see Christians with a gold thread or a gold lining and other forms of gold near them, on them or outlining their body or sometimes coming off of them and sometimes attached to some thing or some one else.
I think it usually means there is some kind of special anointing there or like a special work of God going on at the time. I also think it can be seen in anyone who has chosen Jesus and not just specially anointing ones.
The other day I saw a gold lining out lining my husband's body but coming off the surface of his entire body was dark rays of demonic influence and forces.
No my husband is not some kind of raving lunatic out there drugging and drinking it up. He is a faithful husband who works hard to provide for us. But his blood line from his father is not good. Im sure many of his dad's family are not evil but it only takes a few to mess things up. His dad was abusive and mean and voiced how he hated Jesus and forbid talk of Him. Weird things occurred and much violence and abuse took place which placed in my husband a deep psychological dysfunction that is quit evident to others, well actually many assume he is just a jerk while others see through that and see that something is not right but they don't know why.
I believe the dark rays represent the cursed blood line, unconfessed and unrepentant sins and the deep psychological damage done. It is almost as if the gold lining is protecting him from further attacks from demonic forces but it cant heal him of the damage of it all until he chooses to say "yes I want healed", but unless he sees that he needs healed or unless he chooses to reach out for help I fear he is stuck in limbo just hanging out spiritually, and that is harmful to me and the kids.
I think it usually means there is some kind of special anointing there or like a special work of God going on at the time. I also think it can be seen in anyone who has chosen Jesus and not just specially anointing ones.
The other day I saw a gold lining out lining my husband's body but coming off the surface of his entire body was dark rays of demonic influence and forces.
No my husband is not some kind of raving lunatic out there drugging and drinking it up. He is a faithful husband who works hard to provide for us. But his blood line from his father is not good. Im sure many of his dad's family are not evil but it only takes a few to mess things up. His dad was abusive and mean and voiced how he hated Jesus and forbid talk of Him. Weird things occurred and much violence and abuse took place which placed in my husband a deep psychological dysfunction that is quit evident to others, well actually many assume he is just a jerk while others see through that and see that something is not right but they don't know why.
I believe the dark rays represent the cursed blood line, unconfessed and unrepentant sins and the deep psychological damage done. It is almost as if the gold lining is protecting him from further attacks from demonic forces but it cant heal him of the damage of it all until he chooses to say "yes I want healed", but unless he sees that he needs healed or unless he chooses to reach out for help I fear he is stuck in limbo just hanging out spiritually, and that is harmful to me and the kids.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Sexual Filth and Prophetic Dreaming Or A Nightmare Brought About By My Worries For Some Of My Relatives.
In a previous post I had explained a vision I had about some of my relatives who are in serious spiritual bondage and don't even realize it. In the vision I saw that bright white sword making an arch of protection over them.
Over this past weekend I had a dream about 1 of those families and how filthy immoral sex was their main issues as if it were some kind of generational curse and probably is. I dreamed that the curse and main issue lay with the mother and teenaged girls in that family during this time but I know it goes back even farther. The father isn't the spiritual leader and does not live in the same house. In fact there is no spiritual anything good it would appear from looking in from the outside.
Any ways in the nightmare an unseen filthy sexual force was harassing the mother and teenaged daughters. One of them or perhaps all were in grave danger due to the sexual immorality and curse,but I don't know if that means spiritually or physically. I don't know which one was in the main danger.
I don't know what that all means for sure. It cold mean an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. Or it could mean further annulation of what little bit of spiritual integrity they may have which means their very souls are in danger.
Don't get me wrong I don't think sex is bad or filthy. It is a good thing God invented for us but only if done with in the right parameters which is with in marriage and ONLY with our spouse, other wise when done outside of God's commandments it leads to terrible things like STDs, molestations, rapes, peeping toms, adultery, prostitution and other forms of sexual perversion.
The devil took what God made to be good (sex) and made it into vile things like porn, sex crimes, adultery and so on. The devil and his demons have been good at doing that, they take what God made for good and distort it making it into something evil.
Im not the parent of the teens in the family above. I have no legal grounds to tell them the danger I see for their teen girls. I have made remarks off and on and said some things attempting but to no avail. All I can do is pray for them. Whatever the curse is on them goes back as far as the great-great-grandpa from what I know of and perhaps father back. The sexual filth of adultery literally goes from generation to generation creating screwed up offspring emotionally, mentally, spiritually and morally. They aren't bad people per say, they have been good to me and have helped me. I have had many good times and laughs with them. They would not steal from others or harm others. They are not monsters. They are humans beings with feelings and emotions created by God but choosing to keep living in diabolical sins without the spiritual and mental wherewithal to do anything about it.
What to do?
Over this past weekend I had a dream about 1 of those families and how filthy immoral sex was their main issues as if it were some kind of generational curse and probably is. I dreamed that the curse and main issue lay with the mother and teenaged girls in that family during this time but I know it goes back even farther. The father isn't the spiritual leader and does not live in the same house. In fact there is no spiritual anything good it would appear from looking in from the outside.
Any ways in the nightmare an unseen filthy sexual force was harassing the mother and teenaged daughters. One of them or perhaps all were in grave danger due to the sexual immorality and curse,but I don't know if that means spiritually or physically. I don't know which one was in the main danger.
I don't know what that all means for sure. It cold mean an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. Or it could mean further annulation of what little bit of spiritual integrity they may have which means their very souls are in danger.
Don't get me wrong I don't think sex is bad or filthy. It is a good thing God invented for us but only if done with in the right parameters which is with in marriage and ONLY with our spouse, other wise when done outside of God's commandments it leads to terrible things like STDs, molestations, rapes, peeping toms, adultery, prostitution and other forms of sexual perversion.
The devil took what God made to be good (sex) and made it into vile things like porn, sex crimes, adultery and so on. The devil and his demons have been good at doing that, they take what God made for good and distort it making it into something evil.
Im not the parent of the teens in the family above. I have no legal grounds to tell them the danger I see for their teen girls. I have made remarks off and on and said some things attempting but to no avail. All I can do is pray for them. Whatever the curse is on them goes back as far as the great-great-grandpa from what I know of and perhaps father back. The sexual filth of adultery literally goes from generation to generation creating screwed up offspring emotionally, mentally, spiritually and morally. They aren't bad people per say, they have been good to me and have helped me. I have had many good times and laughs with them. They would not steal from others or harm others. They are not monsters. They are humans beings with feelings and emotions created by God but choosing to keep living in diabolical sins without the spiritual and mental wherewithal to do anything about it.
What to do?
Monday, June 24, 2013
Swallowed By The Ground
I know I type dreams out that are not in chronological order but I type them out as I remember them. I wish I had been doing this starting many years ago.
This dream took place in about 2009 I think perhaps later. Very possibly 2010.
Swallowed By The Ground
I was in my parent's yard when a large slit opened in the ground making an oblong hole. It was as if the ground under the opening had become hollow. I fell down into the hole and was desperately trying to climb out with no success. It was daylight but the sun was not blazing onto me thanks to the clouds in the pretty blue sky, and no animals where around which is unusual for there. No birds could be heard. All was still. No humans around either, not even the sound of insects such as crickets could be heard. Complete quietness and stillness as I was struggling to survive and rescue myself.
In the dream I strongly felt the emotions of fear and panic. I was screaming over and over for help but no one came. We lived next door to my parents, finally my husband drove up the drive way after getting off work. I screamed and screamed for him to come to my rescue but he never heard or came.
My kids and parents were no where in site. I screamed so loud over and over. I was losing strength quickly as I struggled to try and get out. I was 100% under the ground and could look up and see the opening that revealed the pretty but non-moving sky/clouds. I knew my husband was out there somewhere but he didn't seem to hear me. I was on my own. The more I fought to climb out the more I seemed to sink deeper and deeper as if an invisible force was pulling me down deeper into the earth.
Dream over.
My husband woke me up because I was thrashing about making whimpering noises in my sleep. It was very disturbing and felt so real.
To me some of the interpretation is the fact that so often in life I am alone having to do everything myself and am the only one I can depend on while everyone else is going abouts their own way.
This dream took place in about 2009 I think perhaps later. Very possibly 2010.
Swallowed By The Ground
I was in my parent's yard when a large slit opened in the ground making an oblong hole. It was as if the ground under the opening had become hollow. I fell down into the hole and was desperately trying to climb out with no success. It was daylight but the sun was not blazing onto me thanks to the clouds in the pretty blue sky, and no animals where around which is unusual for there. No birds could be heard. All was still. No humans around either, not even the sound of insects such as crickets could be heard. Complete quietness and stillness as I was struggling to survive and rescue myself.
In the dream I strongly felt the emotions of fear and panic. I was screaming over and over for help but no one came. We lived next door to my parents, finally my husband drove up the drive way after getting off work. I screamed and screamed for him to come to my rescue but he never heard or came.
My kids and parents were no where in site. I screamed so loud over and over. I was losing strength quickly as I struggled to try and get out. I was 100% under the ground and could look up and see the opening that revealed the pretty but non-moving sky/clouds. I knew my husband was out there somewhere but he didn't seem to hear me. I was on my own. The more I fought to climb out the more I seemed to sink deeper and deeper as if an invisible force was pulling me down deeper into the earth.
Dream over.
My husband woke me up because I was thrashing about making whimpering noises in my sleep. It was very disturbing and felt so real.
To me some of the interpretation is the fact that so often in life I am alone having to do everything myself and am the only one I can depend on while everyone else is going abouts their own way.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
59 cents In Rochester, Indiana.
Last night for unknown reasons I had a dream that I had to drive to a place called
Rochester, Indiana. I don't know anyone who lives there so I'm not sure why I dreamed
of it. I don't know if there is anything special about that place and have no idea why my dream would be about it. I just felt like I had to drive there so I did.
I don't remember what all happened but I got to Rochester and various weird things happened that left me with a bad feeling. I kind of remember being in buildings and around the town and seeing and feeling a since of sadness or doom around me. For reasons I don't remember I had to leave the city for my own safety and sanity.
As I was driving home my car started acting up so I pulled into a place along the highway that had a restaurant. It wasn't far out of Rochester at all I think. I had no money or cell phone. I went in and asked to use the phone to call for help. The waitress complained and grumbled around about it. I wanted some water to drink but was told a glass of water would cost 59 cents. I had no money.
A disgruntled grouchy rude waitress brought me a glass of water that was 3/4 the way filled with no ice and said something like "here, this is all you get for free!" Then she decided to not give me the water after all.
During all this a small brown dog was standing by me on its hind legs looking up at me talking to me telling me all I have to do is give 59 cents. It kept talking about 59 cents. I detected something evil about it and knew it was wanting to harm me in some way. Suddenly my brown dog that I've had for 6 years shows up and stays by me. My dog and I walked out of the restaurant without calling home for help due to the rude waitresses and dog preventing me. My dog and I got in the car and I sat at the wheel wondering what to do next.
At that time I heard the voice of my mom as if I were actually talking to her on the phone. I don't remember what she was saying but it had something to do with trying to get the car back on the highway and head home. I remember that I got back on the highway heading home. Everything around seemed too quiet with a lack of movement or sunshine even though it was day time.
The dream ended.
I do not have an interpretation for it right now.
Rochester, Indiana. I don't know anyone who lives there so I'm not sure why I dreamed
of it. I don't know if there is anything special about that place and have no idea why my dream would be about it. I just felt like I had to drive there so I did.
I don't remember what all happened but I got to Rochester and various weird things happened that left me with a bad feeling. I kind of remember being in buildings and around the town and seeing and feeling a since of sadness or doom around me. For reasons I don't remember I had to leave the city for my own safety and sanity.
As I was driving home my car started acting up so I pulled into a place along the highway that had a restaurant. It wasn't far out of Rochester at all I think. I had no money or cell phone. I went in and asked to use the phone to call for help. The waitress complained and grumbled around about it. I wanted some water to drink but was told a glass of water would cost 59 cents. I had no money.
A disgruntled grouchy rude waitress brought me a glass of water that was 3/4 the way filled with no ice and said something like "here, this is all you get for free!" Then she decided to not give me the water after all.
During all this a small brown dog was standing by me on its hind legs looking up at me talking to me telling me all I have to do is give 59 cents. It kept talking about 59 cents. I detected something evil about it and knew it was wanting to harm me in some way. Suddenly my brown dog that I've had for 6 years shows up and stays by me. My dog and I walked out of the restaurant without calling home for help due to the rude waitresses and dog preventing me. My dog and I got in the car and I sat at the wheel wondering what to do next.
At that time I heard the voice of my mom as if I were actually talking to her on the phone. I don't remember what she was saying but it had something to do with trying to get the car back on the highway and head home. I remember that I got back on the highway heading home. Everything around seemed too quiet with a lack of movement or sunshine even though it was day time.
The dream ended.
I do not have an interpretation for it right now.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Flesh eating virus, bad virus killing both humans and animals but is being ignored.
Below is the dream I found as an unpublished draft in this blog. I don't even remember this dream much at all. I don't know why it did not get published. I had forgot about his blog for several years not using it hardly at all. Well below is the dream. I'm not sure what the interpretation is other then perhaps the flesh eating deadly virus and society ignoring it stands for the filthy diabolical sins that society now thinks is normal and puts up with. Society now embraces many nasty sins as they are blind to the horrid affects those sins will bring not only upon themselves but the entire environment around them and beyond. We see some of the negative affects of those sins as it brings an entire country down but we ignore the real reasons for the down fall and try and place the blame on other things as we try to apply useless salve to the wounds or ignoring them all together.
A example of some embraced sins:
-the need for society to have to support not just a few here and there but tons and tons of single parents due to the fathers not taking care of their offspring and due to the parents sleeping around and getting pregnant and unable to support their own families because of it all.
(don't get me wrong I do think it is good that we help the babies/children, they need food, medical care and housing just as we all do. I'm just saying that there is way way way too much sexual sins resulting in our country having to spend out money to take care of it all.
-also we not only embrace disrespecting our bodies by sleeping around we also seem to think it is ok to cheat on our spouses or having a relationship with a married person. I am sickened at how not only non-Christians but even Christian marriages are divorcing over adultery in large amounts. Do we really think that is going to turn out well in the long run?
-Honor. Where is the honor these days? We don't honor our elders or anyone near as much as we should. To honor does not mean we have to agree with them and be their slave doing whatever they say. It means that even though we may or may not agree with them or even like them we still do not talk down to them and stuff like that. To honor someone means we treat them with respect and when possible we help them. Am example of dishonoring them might be when we make fun of them behind their backs slamming on them and bashing on their words, feelings and lifestyles. There is a proper way to disagree with someone without having to bash on them and act as if we are holier than though.
The dream below:
Dream typed out on Sept 24, 2008
A example of some embraced sins:
-the need for society to have to support not just a few here and there but tons and tons of single parents due to the fathers not taking care of their offspring and due to the parents sleeping around and getting pregnant and unable to support their own families because of it all.
(don't get me wrong I do think it is good that we help the babies/children, they need food, medical care and housing just as we all do. I'm just saying that there is way way way too much sexual sins resulting in our country having to spend out money to take care of it all.
-also we not only embrace disrespecting our bodies by sleeping around we also seem to think it is ok to cheat on our spouses or having a relationship with a married person. I am sickened at how not only non-Christians but even Christian marriages are divorcing over adultery in large amounts. Do we really think that is going to turn out well in the long run?
-Honor. Where is the honor these days? We don't honor our elders or anyone near as much as we should. To honor does not mean we have to agree with them and be their slave doing whatever they say. It means that even though we may or may not agree with them or even like them we still do not talk down to them and stuff like that. To honor someone means we treat them with respect and when possible we help them. Am example of dishonoring them might be when we make fun of them behind their backs slamming on them and bashing on their words, feelings and lifestyles. There is a proper way to disagree with someone without having to bash on them and act as if we are holier than though.
The dream below:
Dream typed out on Sept 24, 2008
I had a dream last night that one of those flesh eating diseases was over taking society.
But it was worse then the flesh eating disease we already know about.
It spread by contact so perhaps it was a virus maybe and not as much of a bacteria.
It started out affecting cats and then other animals and then later on humans. In the dream I tried telling others to be careful and not touch those affected without gloves, gowns and masks on.
People would not listen and they kept touching the affected ones and going about their lives. I thought the affected ones should be quarantined so that they could not spread it around to others like they unknowingly were. But no one else seemed to think so.
I kept seeing flesh that had been eaten away in large patches with the deadly flesh eating infection. It was eaten away so much in some cases that the organs could be seen pumping and functioning.
Still not to many people were worried about it and they kept going on in life as if it was not that big of a deal.
More got affected by it and walked about as if it was almost normal or something.
Darkness On My Back Blocking The Golden Rain Of God's Love
I am currently reading a book by a man named Jonathan Welton called "The School Of The Seers".
At the end of each chapter is what is called an activation. The best way I know how to explain is that an activation is a practice tool to do in order to learn how it all works.
I finished the chapter last night where the activation said to ponder on and think of how God loves us. I mean true love like He has for everyone. But it was real late at night and when I closed my eyes to think on God's love I fell asleep. So this morning I remembered and began pondering on it.
Immediately without delay the mental picture (some call it a vision) was there. It was of me. Raining only on me was a golden colored rain with a sparkly glistening in it coming directly down on me, but I was bending over with an area of darkness that stayed directly on my back. I was bent down the entire time trying to look back and up at the golden rain. I kept moving around trying to make the dark thing come off my back and get out of the way, but it stayed on me strongly refusing to get off..
The interpretation:
The beautiful golden sparkly rain was God's love pouring down on me.
The dark thing on my back was anything from a demonic presence to emotional/mental issues preventing me from feeling the full impact of God's love.
Me bending over, moving around as I was bent over and me looking back and up at the rain was me trying to shake the darkness off of me, and me trying to look past the in-the-way annoying darkness on my back so I could see and feel a better view of God's love. I wanted to get that darkness off of me so the rain would wash over me absorbing into my skin and washing me clean. Yes I have Jesus in my heart and He is my Great Savior that has forgiven all my past, present and future sins. But I cant seem to feel the Love.
What might that dark presence on my back represent? I dont know for sure.
I know some of it is probably from my inability to fully feel love for unknown reasons. When someone acts like or says they like me and enjoys my presence I normally assume they are just saying that to be nice, but if they really knew me they would no longer like me because I'm so annoying and boring. Me feeling like I am annoying was backed up by an older type A personality woman who directly told me I am annoying and others don't like being around me a few years ago. Her words have stuck with me and gone deep into my soul even though I have forgiven her. I have forgiven but cant forget :(
Another reason why I cant feel God's love is probably from the legalism I was raised with. I have good parents who love the Lord. I have many good memories of my child hood so I'm not complaining. But as with all things on this earth amidst the good will be the bad too. I was raised with religious legalism that left me with feelings of shame and guilt like it does for most folks.
I could not be good enough. I could not sing or play music. I was not good at sports and memorizing tons of Bible verses. I just seemed useless in the church. And I just could not behave perfect enough. I was never good enough. Whenever I or other people were being talked about for their sins and mistakes the sinners and myself were talked about as terrible shameful people who are basically useless. Emotional and mental abuse is what it is.
Don't get me wrong my parents did not abuse me. My dad was not legalistic, but my mom was. She comes from a family where it isn't uncommon to hear conversations where others were considered to be shameful. Yes her family is a good family but they had their issues like every other family.
I'm glad to say that these days in my mom's elderly years she has been breaking free of religious legalism and shame based thought processes. She has come a long way and I am so glad for her. My dad is also a great person whom I am close with.
Now, how do I feel God's love fully?My head knowledge says "yes God loves me", but my emotions/feelings don't feel it.
Over the past several years I've prayed that any generational curses on me be broke off of me. I've grown spiritually and keep growing. I still sin yes but I've been doing much better as the conviction comes over me to not do such and such sin. I read my Bible and ask for forgiveness of my transgressions almost daily. But still I don't feel it? How to feel it?
I know it but cant fully feel His Love. There are times where I have felt it for a very short time, I want to feel that Love all the time.
At the end of each chapter is what is called an activation. The best way I know how to explain is that an activation is a practice tool to do in order to learn how it all works.
I finished the chapter last night where the activation said to ponder on and think of how God loves us. I mean true love like He has for everyone. But it was real late at night and when I closed my eyes to think on God's love I fell asleep. So this morning I remembered and began pondering on it.
Immediately without delay the mental picture (some call it a vision) was there. It was of me. Raining only on me was a golden colored rain with a sparkly glistening in it coming directly down on me, but I was bending over with an area of darkness that stayed directly on my back. I was bent down the entire time trying to look back and up at the golden rain. I kept moving around trying to make the dark thing come off my back and get out of the way, but it stayed on me strongly refusing to get off..
The interpretation:
The beautiful golden sparkly rain was God's love pouring down on me.
The dark thing on my back was anything from a demonic presence to emotional/mental issues preventing me from feeling the full impact of God's love.
Me bending over, moving around as I was bent over and me looking back and up at the rain was me trying to shake the darkness off of me, and me trying to look past the in-the-way annoying darkness on my back so I could see and feel a better view of God's love. I wanted to get that darkness off of me so the rain would wash over me absorbing into my skin and washing me clean. Yes I have Jesus in my heart and He is my Great Savior that has forgiven all my past, present and future sins. But I cant seem to feel the Love.
What might that dark presence on my back represent? I dont know for sure.
I know some of it is probably from my inability to fully feel love for unknown reasons. When someone acts like or says they like me and enjoys my presence I normally assume they are just saying that to be nice, but if they really knew me they would no longer like me because I'm so annoying and boring. Me feeling like I am annoying was backed up by an older type A personality woman who directly told me I am annoying and others don't like being around me a few years ago. Her words have stuck with me and gone deep into my soul even though I have forgiven her. I have forgiven but cant forget :(
Another reason why I cant feel God's love is probably from the legalism I was raised with. I have good parents who love the Lord. I have many good memories of my child hood so I'm not complaining. But as with all things on this earth amidst the good will be the bad too. I was raised with religious legalism that left me with feelings of shame and guilt like it does for most folks.
I could not be good enough. I could not sing or play music. I was not good at sports and memorizing tons of Bible verses. I just seemed useless in the church. And I just could not behave perfect enough. I was never good enough. Whenever I or other people were being talked about for their sins and mistakes the sinners and myself were talked about as terrible shameful people who are basically useless. Emotional and mental abuse is what it is.
Don't get me wrong my parents did not abuse me. My dad was not legalistic, but my mom was. She comes from a family where it isn't uncommon to hear conversations where others were considered to be shameful. Yes her family is a good family but they had their issues like every other family.
I'm glad to say that these days in my mom's elderly years she has been breaking free of religious legalism and shame based thought processes. She has come a long way and I am so glad for her. My dad is also a great person whom I am close with.
Now, how do I feel God's love fully?My head knowledge says "yes God loves me", but my emotions/feelings don't feel it.
Over the past several years I've prayed that any generational curses on me be broke off of me. I've grown spiritually and keep growing. I still sin yes but I've been doing much better as the conviction comes over me to not do such and such sin. I read my Bible and ask for forgiveness of my transgressions almost daily. But still I don't feel it? How to feel it?
I know it but cant fully feel His Love. There are times where I have felt it for a very short time, I want to feel that Love all the time.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Fiery Lion Staring Down The Demons.
As I mentioned before I've had all too many spiritual warfare battles especially in the past few years.
As long as I can remember I have sinced, smelled and sometimes saw demons around. The sheer evilness that they emit off of them has froze me into place countless of times, but I always had the spiritual strength to pray to and call out to Jesus.
I'm learning to not be so frozen solid when I since an intense evil around me. Jesus, He is my strength you see.
Anyways here is the vision that I got I think in March 2013.
I saw a giant huge sized lion perhaps the tallness of a semi truck or taller and almost as long as one too. It had fire all around its head/face in place of the mane. But I did not fear It. I know It was good and safe. I reached up to touch the lion by the face and did not get burned from the fire.
The Lion's eyes never steered from the scattered still standing, waiting and watching robed hooded figures a short ways off in the fog ahead.
Those figures represented demons and how they lay in waiting to trip us up and bring us down in any way they can.
The Lion represents Jesus.
The Lion continued to use His strong and full of knowledge eyes to star those demons down letting them know they will NOT be winning me to their side and will NOT be taking me out.
A few days or weeks later I saw the same vision (mental picture is a better word for it) of the same scene except for now there was 100s of people coming out from hiding in the surrounding woods and coming up to the Lion for protection. Upon the Lion was some people that represented the mighty warriors for Christ. The Lion was still staring those demons down keeping them off of the people.
As long as I can remember I have sinced, smelled and sometimes saw demons around. The sheer evilness that they emit off of them has froze me into place countless of times, but I always had the spiritual strength to pray to and call out to Jesus.
I'm learning to not be so frozen solid when I since an intense evil around me. Jesus, He is my strength you see.
Anyways here is the vision that I got I think in March 2013.
I saw a giant huge sized lion perhaps the tallness of a semi truck or taller and almost as long as one too. It had fire all around its head/face in place of the mane. But I did not fear It. I know It was good and safe. I reached up to touch the lion by the face and did not get burned from the fire.
The Lion's eyes never steered from the scattered still standing, waiting and watching robed hooded figures a short ways off in the fog ahead.
Those figures represented demons and how they lay in waiting to trip us up and bring us down in any way they can.
The Lion represents Jesus.
The Lion continued to use His strong and full of knowledge eyes to star those demons down letting them know they will NOT be winning me to their side and will NOT be taking me out.
A few days or weeks later I saw the same vision (mental picture is a better word for it) of the same scene except for now there was 100s of people coming out from hiding in the surrounding woods and coming up to the Lion for protection. Upon the Lion was some people that represented the mighty warriors for Christ. The Lion was still staring those demons down keeping them off of the people.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
My death - Sunflowers and Grandbabies
A few months back I had a very real dream that my front yard was packed full of those giant types of sun flowers that get probably 10 tall. They were blooming nicely looking beautiful. Not a single blade of grass could be saw.
At the end of my side walk (by the road) was a beautiful bright white glowing light that I knew to be Heaven. While standing at the end of the side walk about to go into that light I looked back and saw my husband hiding in the sunflowers but peeking out for unknown reasons. He was near the porch. I also saw my children as adults standing on the porch with 3 young children and an infant in the arms of my oldest child. I had 4 grandkids.
I wanted to go to Heaven while at the same time not wanting to leave my family. But my kids stayed on the porch with their children looking at me as if to tell me they will be ok. The oldest one especially looked at me and seemed to always be aware what was going on unlike my husband and other child. The oldest child also happens to be one who dreams and sees as well. My husband continued to watch as he poked his head out of the forrest of tall sunflowers.
But in the dream I kept feeling and saying "I dunno because Im not ready yet, what about the kids and my husband?" I fretted a bit and kept saying Im not ready to leave them yet.
I woke up before I could go into Heaven through that light.
My kids are young. In order for me to have 4 grandkids about 20 years still needs to go by. Well, that gives me time to live for a good while yet :) In fact I think Ill live longer then that!
At the end of my side walk (by the road) was a beautiful bright white glowing light that I knew to be Heaven. While standing at the end of the side walk about to go into that light I looked back and saw my husband hiding in the sunflowers but peeking out for unknown reasons. He was near the porch. I also saw my children as adults standing on the porch with 3 young children and an infant in the arms of my oldest child. I had 4 grandkids.
I wanted to go to Heaven while at the same time not wanting to leave my family. But my kids stayed on the porch with their children looking at me as if to tell me they will be ok. The oldest one especially looked at me and seemed to always be aware what was going on unlike my husband and other child. The oldest child also happens to be one who dreams and sees as well. My husband continued to watch as he poked his head out of the forrest of tall sunflowers.
But in the dream I kept feeling and saying "I dunno because Im not ready yet, what about the kids and my husband?" I fretted a bit and kept saying Im not ready to leave them yet.
I woke up before I could go into Heaven through that light.
My kids are young. In order for me to have 4 grandkids about 20 years still needs to go by. Well, that gives me time to live for a good while yet :) In fact I think Ill live longer then that!
"I hate The Day You Were Born!"
In 2011 I had been in the middle of long lasting spiritual battle. But now I was winning. I was learning spiritually and growing and being put through a lot. For my families privacy I wont say what all was going on but it was enough to make a person cave in. I sometimes felt like caving in and giving up. But I'm too stubborn for that.
I was having a terrible nightmare that my husband was in the physical act of cheating on me and he didn't care even though I was standing there in the room screaming for him to stop. He laughed at me taunting me refusing to stop. But I refused to be a loser. I did not lose myself.
He looked directly at me and his face changed as he said with a different voice "I hate the day you were born!"
Now I know that was not really my husband. It was demonic torment using the image of my husband to try and bother me. His eyes showed evil as did the scow on the face. The voice was demonic too.
As it told me it hated me I saw even more evil come from those eyes pouring out directly at me.
But I knew for it to say that that it meant via the power of Jesus I WAS winning and the demonic forces were losing! Perhaps it was tormenting the demonic world that I have Jesus and use His power often.
So, yes I woke up emotionally wore out from that very real dream but also with a since of relief that I've been doing something right, and I thank Jesus for that! 2 years later and I still see the horrid demonic scow on the face and in those eyes.
But because of Jesus I win! Or should I say "We win" because after all I could not have won without the power and strength of Jesus. So yes We (Jesus and I) won and will continue to do so ;)
I was having a terrible nightmare that my husband was in the physical act of cheating on me and he didn't care even though I was standing there in the room screaming for him to stop. He laughed at me taunting me refusing to stop. But I refused to be a loser. I did not lose myself.
He looked directly at me and his face changed as he said with a different voice "I hate the day you were born!"
Now I know that was not really my husband. It was demonic torment using the image of my husband to try and bother me. His eyes showed evil as did the scow on the face. The voice was demonic too.
As it told me it hated me I saw even more evil come from those eyes pouring out directly at me.
But I knew for it to say that that it meant via the power of Jesus I WAS winning and the demonic forces were losing! Perhaps it was tormenting the demonic world that I have Jesus and use His power often.
So, yes I woke up emotionally wore out from that very real dream but also with a since of relief that I've been doing something right, and I thank Jesus for that! 2 years later and I still see the horrid demonic scow on the face and in those eyes.
But because of Jesus I win! Or should I say "We win" because after all I could not have won without the power and strength of Jesus. So yes We (Jesus and I) won and will continue to do so ;)
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